I Have Measured Out My Life In Coffee Spoons
Title from T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”. Now stop grinding faction warfare plexes for 5 minutes and go read a book.
If you’re stumbling across this blog for the first time, you should know that I have measured out my life, in Eve that is, in crime. It is not even something I necessarily strive for, or bend my will towards, it just comes naturally to me, and in that freedom of morality I have found my place in Eve.
I have defined my existence and my progress in Eve by malfeasance; who I’ve stolen from today, who’s trust have I betrayed, who’s expensive ship have I forcibly removed from under them by means of a better understanding of the bizarrely complex aggression system in Eve; who have I tricked and duped into giving me access to their money, their assets, their corporation’s assets, their secrets, and their trust.
Out of game, I am neither a thief, nor a murderer, equally, I am neither a car-jacker, a pirate, a bully, an abuse victim, an asshole, an actual ninja, or really any of the other delightful things I’ve been called or referred to by people in-game. As an aside, some of the best and most ruthless thieves, griefers, pirates, gankers, and generally in-game shitbags I know are truly incredible people out of game. Generally speaking, they are teachers, firemen, paramedics, policemen, parents, and one particularly evil ex-corpmate even runs a grassroots low-income housing non-profit. I’m sure something could be said about the duality of “good” people fully exerting their terrible side in a video game, but that’s probably best left to a different post.
So to go back, yes, crime is how I measure myself in this game. Yet the sad and bitterly honest truth is, it has been at least 2 months since my last crime in Eve Online.
My name is Aiden Mourn, and I have a problem.
What makes this truly weird is that crime is how I’ve pretty much defined myself in Eve almost since I started playing, certainly since I joined the ranks of Suddenly Ninjas. In Eve, progress is measured in whatever the individual chooses to measure it in; that’s the beauty of a sandbox. It is asteroids mined, systems conquered, FW plexes flipped, isk gathered, ships murdered, etc.
And yet lately, I’ve found myself adrift in the sea of…legitimacy. I’ve been sort of taking a break from Aiden and Suddenly Ninjas, and the in-game lifestyle that entails. Not so much out of choice of course; most of this is due to out-of-game happenings, notably me trying to build up my career, which severely limits my time in New Eden. My Eve-time is easily 1/5th of what it once was a few months ago.
However, in the bits and pieces here and there where I do find time to log in for a half hour here and there, I’ve recently found myself exploring other parts of Eve. I’ve been exploring, printing isk by AFK faction warfare plexing while I get work done, and as horrible as it is to say out loud, I even BUILT something (a “something” = 1 rifter, which was honestly awful. These hands were made for smashing and stealing, not building.) It was even more amusing then to read Rixx Javix’s post “Carebearaphobia” the other day, because as goofy as his post was, I realized its a phobia I actually have. I don’t mean to suggest I’m at all becoming a (yikes) carebear, simple exploring something new; call it bear-curious.
Killboard stats, enemies thrown down, agents unlocked, tears harvested, unknown space discovered; how have you measured out your Eve life? And have the standards by which you measured it changed?
And fear not, this “self exploration” period of mine will certainly not last (oddly, I have the patience to wait HOURS cloaked in someones mission, yet not enough to last through a single mining laser cycle). Our regularly scheduled shenanigans will return shortly.