Eve Is Hilarious Pt. 845381005
I think P.T. Barnum put it best…
Apparently, Ebay is where the pros go for that cutting edge in Eve. For a paltry nine-are-you-fucking-kidding-me-HUNDRED US Dollars (but hey shipping is free!), this particular Eve-baller from Scranton, North Dakota will shower you with nothing less than stone tablets from Mt Sinai. From the auction description:
I’ve been playing EVE Online for 4 years now and I’ve done almost everything and now I want to pass what I’ve learned on to YOU. If you’re familiar with EVE, then you know that nothing is free.
What I’m offering is access to my collection of Highly detailed and customizable production spreadsheets on Google Drive. They automatically parse the EVE API server for current Jita prices on EVERYTHING related to production and more. These sheets have been used to calculate production for vast 0.0 industrial juggernauts including Titan production time and material requirements.
Also included will be a document that will reveal how you can have your very own Eve Online character with over 75 million skill points and 6.5 billion ISK AND a corporation to start building your own empire from the ground up.
Feel free to e-mail me with any questions.
Sir, I have many, many questions. Besides the obligatory “really?”, I’m also curious why you would be shipping these alleged google docs to anyone, with a delivery date spread over 4 days. I know its called “Drive” now, and yes, that’s confusing for all of us, but I wager it would be worth it for a high-rolling Eve Online Ebay tycoon like yourself to invest a little time into learning about such breakthroughs as the “share” button.
For those moronic individuals interested in getting themselves perma-banned by buying dumb shit on Ebay, you can get your very own fully-fitted Avatar, complete with 150mil SP toon for US $5,000, or an Aeon for the low low price of $600! As a hilarious anecdote, the Aeon seller’s feedback includes “Thank you for the good business….. Please come back anytime> Recommended AAA++” from ebay user “russiangoldmine”; people are amazing.