Adventures In Can-Baiting, Pt.3 ("Fishing With Dynamite")

Well, its true what they say; if at first you don’t succeed… try, try again (& try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try…) :). And although they’re nothing to really write home about, 12 kills (13 if you include the noob ship too ) in 2 days will make you smile every time. At the suggestion of fellow sneaking lowlife ninja, Mr.Argie, I made a field trip up into Caldari space, and its been FUN. I’ve hunt out mostly in Airkio and neighboring Akiainavas, and the amount of FAIL between these two systems is staggering.

Two big things I noticed here: 1.) people LOVE jet-can mining. I don’t just mean a little, I mean like completely filling multiple jet-cans with ore without hauling them back. 2.) those who are not busy passively giving away large quantities of free ore are very keen on “stopping piracy” and chasing off the ebil can fwippahs (read: me). So its sort of like a going-out of business sale at Fail-Mart when you take someones ore here. First, they’ll open up with one drone on you. Pop. Then, some guy in a horribly fit dessie that you happen to have aggro on from looting one of his rat-wrecks open up on you in the name of law and justice. Pop. Then (true story!), another white-knight opens up on you with NO aggro and gets Concordokken. AND THEN (seriously!) the guy in the dessie comes back at you again in AN UNFITTED DRAKE. Pop. You really just can’t make this stuff up people. What makes the previously stated story even funnier is this (yes the whole think was in local):

Drankui > saikaura.. ya just got yer canister ganked
Th155 > Don’t take it back

*Saikaura takes it back. Obviously. Pop!

Drankui > lol.. that was fast
Th155 > He took it back?
Drankui > yah
Drankui > got ganked.. fast
Saikaura > ah well, shit happens

Th155 > What belt?
Drankui > belt 1
Drankui > crap.. just jumped out of belt

Saikaura > d/w about it, it was just a bantam 😛
Th155 > Which belt one?
Drankui > Airkio X- belt 1

Th155 > Thanks
Drankui > hes back’

Th155 > Who? The flipper?
Drankui > yup

Th155 > Was there only one of him?

Drankui > camping Saikauras wreck

Drankui > only one here….. take it at that

Aiden Mourn > =)

*Th155 enter the arena on his white horse. I decide to taunt and bait.

Th155 > Hey, whach it buster

Aiden Mourn > no YOU watch it
Aiden Mourn > thanks for the miners btw

Th155 > Your welcome

Th155 > Didn’t need them

*Sigh* of course you didn’t…

Aiden Mourn > everyones so polite here

Th155 > Hm… I think my destoryer can take you
Drankui > thats the point…

Aiden Mourn > kind of is the point of dessies

Th155 > Anyone else drop in when he got ganked?
Aiden Mourn > nope
Th155 > Or was it just him

Aiden Mourn > c’est moi
Drankui > just him
Drankui > damn frenchies

Drankui > lol

Th155 > What do you think aria?

Aiden Mourn > or, you know, think for yourself
Aiden Mourn > and grow a pair
Aiden Mourn > =P

Th155 > Eh, what the heck
Th155 > It’s a cheap ship anyway

*Th115’s tank drops like Enron stock. Pop! I continue to taunt and bait him in local.

Aiden Mourn > boy i hope so

Th155 > Wow rifters are good

Aiden Mourn > its more so that youre just bad I think

Aiden Mourn > =)

Th155 > Yea, needed more shield

Aiden Mourn > i think starting a fight with half armor is usually a terrible idea

Aiden Mourn > ….for what its worth
Th155 > HEy, i don’t care about that ship
Th155 > If i want to, i’ll come back with a drake to finish it off, but i don’t

*sigh* of course you don’t… And now that I’ve heard about this drake, I start pushing his buttons more, hoping for round two.

Aiden Mourn > ummm

Aiden Mourn > ok

Th155 > I’ll come back in a drake, for something else
Aiden Mourn > why on earth are there 4 1mn abs in your wreck?
Drankui > lol.. come on Th155…

Aiden Mourn > and MALE exotic dancers
 o.0
Th155 > What? I only havd one ABS installed…

Aiden Mourn > whooooweee man

Aiden Mourn > this is embarassing

Th155 > Eh, fitted it from spart parts

Aiden Mourn > Im sure
Th155 > you really want to tangle with me?

Aiden Mourn > I just did
Drankui > lol

*Th155 warps in again, this time as promised in a drake. I target, scram, go into an orbit and start laying on the pew. Suddenly Drankui inexplicably opens up on me with no aggro and gets concorded. I’m slowly eating away at Th115’s shield and then armor but for some reason I’m not taking any hits off of him. Things are not looking up for Th155 today.

Aiden Mourn > how heroic drankui

Th155 > Oh bloody hell

Aiden Mourn > yeah this isnt looking good

Aiden Mourn > how much do drakes go for?

Th155 > I have a spare
IceColdFreezie > 27m or so
Aiden Mourn > huh

Th155 > How about you let it go :D

Aiden Mourn > lol

Aiden Mourn > for how much?

Th155 > You choose

Aiden Mourn > hey bud you attacked me, remember?

Th155 > Just stop shooting
IceColdFreezie > blow it up so i can salvage  :3

*I’d stopped shooting for a second, considering a ransom, so I ship scanned him to check for tasty mods…he had an empty ship. As in, no modules fitted. At all. It was then that I decided popping this utter work of fail and having it on my KB is worth far more than whatever ransom I’d get from him. Guns on again. Pop!

Aiden Mourn > woops

Aiden Mourn > dude

Aiden Mourn > you had NO MODUELS FITTED
Aiden Mourn > are you kidding me?

Th155 > It’s called insurance frawd :D

Aiden Mourn > No, its called failing.

Aiden Mourn > can i make a suggestion?

Th155 > What?

Aiden Mourn > Stop playing eve

Th155 > Nah
Aiden Mourn > Just stop.

Aiden Mourn > I hear WoW is…..uh…fun
Aiden Mourn > yeah…fun

Th155 > Look, the cormor paid for itself with the insurance from this
Th155 > And i MADE money on the drake
Aiden Mourn > I love when people dont understand how insurrance works
Aiden Mourn > lets break it down

Aiden Mourn > how much was the cormerant?

Drankui > 200,000

Aiden Mourn > how much did you pay for insurance?

Th155 > Roughly

Th155 > 11M
Th155 > 38M got back
Th155 > Drake cost 24M

Aiden Mourn > back up

Aiden Mourn > ok

Aiden Mourn > 24 mil

Aiden Mourn > so you made what, 3 mil?

Th155 > Around, not -

Th155 > Yea, not really planing

Aiden Mourn > you dont think there are better ways of making 3 mil than getting your ass handed to you?
Th155 > I know the ways, just wanted a fail way today

Aiden Mourn > Mission accomplished?

Aiden Mourn > =)
Th155 > Yea
Th155 > Bye
Aiden Mourn > ….this is local
Aiden Mourn > you cant just hang up
Eric Xallen > heheh
IceColdFreezie > offtopic: Th155, your drake’s salvage is only worth 600. I am dissapointed
Aiden Mourn > lol

The rest of the kills were pretty equally as sneaky; a lot of “oh hey sorry for taking your ore, you can totally take it back”-type underhanded stuff.

Eventually, I had to start setting parameters for myself: no noob ships and no characters under 5 days old (totally arbitrary, I know). After all, this was beginning to feel like fishing with dynamite. I eventually made friends with a fellow can-baiting thrill seeker, Urston, and tried for a time to get convince other players they could “take him” (“trust me dude, I ship scanned him…its a terrible blackbird fit”). More fun was to be had with “Manthoos”, who I hesitate to make fun of only because I feel like he might actually be eleven and have both a learning disability and bi-polor disorder. the guy would NOT stop pestering me. It was like an annoying kid brother that keeps coming into your room to ask “whatcha doin?” over and over and OVER again.

Aiden Mourn > yes?
manthoos > hi
Aiden Mourn > What can I do for you?
manthoos > just chatting,
Aiden Mourn > i see
Aiden Mourn > was curious since you were targeting me
manthoos > hey
Aiden Mourn > yeah?
Aiden Mourn > Sorry, doing a couple things at once right now, whats up
manthoos > could i be in your fleet
Aiden Mourn > I’m not in a fleet right now
manthoos > ;(
manthoos > i just attacked a miner im in a pod
Aiden Mourn > ??
Aiden Mourn > did you get concorded?
manthoos > yeah
Aiden Mourn > that was a bad move
manthoos > i know lol
manthoos > i got 5 other ships
Aiden Mourn > you know if youre sec status drops too much, you cant come into high security space
Aiden Mourn > its not so much just about losing ships
manthoos > ooooohhhh
Aiden Mourn > youre at -0.1 now
manthoos > lol thats not good
Aiden Mourn > banished to low sec could be a very bad place to be for a new player
manthoos > noooooooooo
Aiden Mourn > wtf, isnt there a new player experience anymore?
manthoos > what do you mean?
Aiden Mourn > i thought there was some sort of “Welcome to eve, heres how you play” thing that you went through as a new player
manthoos > i hope you die
manthoos > stfu loser
manthoos > modern warefare is the shit i dont need this
Aiden Mourn > Hahaha….are you kidding me?
Aiden Mourn > you hope i die?

*Ok, the”no 5 days or younger” rule was out the window for this clown. I fleeted him.

manthoos > sorry my brother got on while i was eating
Aiden Mourn > i see
Aiden Mourn > as a heads up
Aiden Mourn > telling someone that you “hope they die” in this game is a no no
Aiden Mourn > anything that can be construed as an out of game threat is banable
manthoos > yeah i already talked to him about that lol
Aiden Mourn > fyi
Aiden Mourn > warp to me
manthoos > im here

*he warps into the belt in a pod =/

Aiden Mourn > you should prob be in a ship
Aiden Mourn > what are you planning on doing in a pod?
manthoos > oh yeah i will go back and get my ibis
Aiden Mourn > can you fly anything besides a noob ship?
manthoos > what do u mean can i fly
Aiden Mourn > a ship
manthoos > yes i can fly

*I suddenly realized I had no interest in being this guy’s own personal Eve tutorial

Aiden Mourn > you know what man
manthoos > is concord a noob
Aiden Mourn > i got stuff to do
Aiden Mourn > I dont really have time to teach you how to play this game
Aiden Mourn > google is your friend
Aiden Mourn > peace

*After I left chat, I was laughing with Urston about this guy when I got another fleet invite from him. When I declined, I got another one. After that, yep, another one. Then 5 more. Finally I convoed him again.

Aiden Mourn > what
manthoos > what
manthoos > i have concord and i play this before
Aiden Mourn > you have concord?
Aiden Mourn > what?
manthoos > yes
manthoos > i have a concord
manthoos > the ship
manthoos > hit and run type ship
Aiden Mourn > do you maybe mean a condor?
manthoos > oh lol sorry
manthoos > yes condor
Aiden Mourn > ok
Aiden Mourn > well have fun
manthoos > well let me fly with u then
manthoos > hello
Aiden Mourn > hello
Aiden Mourn > listen man, have fun playing this game
Aiden Mourn > i really dont have time to teach you how to play though, cool?
manthoos > i dont want to be tuahgt i know most of the things, just let me fly with u
manthoos > taught*
Aiden Mourn > you’re a day old character
manthoos > and i play the 14 day trial all the time
manthoos > please
Aiden Mourn > ah i see
Aiden Mourn > so youre a real veteran
manthoos > no

*Que NINE more fleet requests in a row

Aiden Mourn > ffs, stop inviting me
manthoos > well let me fly with u
manthoos > im not a veteran and im not a noob
manthoos > im normal
Aiden Mourn > My friend, you’ve just single-handedly revised my idea of what a noob is
manthoos > how
Aiden Mourn > go have fun
Aiden Mourn > bye

I then received about  23 fleet invites from him, at which point I decided to see if Urston wanted to pop him since I was trying reign-in my noob-killing tendencies. Urston was game, so I convoed Manthoos again. This time, it looks like I’d finally ground him down. Just a “whatever” for a response.

So now, I’m heading back to good ole Dodixie, as we have a war on the horizon with the Deadspace Society Alliance. This would be our second run-in with them, and this one is coming on the heels of a pretty sizable theft of one of their corps’ wallet and hanger, with the help of some, uh…shall we say inside dealings that some of us over at SN may or may not have had a little ninja hand in :). The first DEADS encounter is pretty hilarious stuff, and I highly recommend reading up on it over at My Loot, Your Tears. These guys have a pretty inflated sense of e-honor, so expect some pretty hilarious stories coming up soon. Stay tuned.

o7,

-Aiden

~ by Aiden Mourn on January 12, 2010.