Ark-Corp! Now With Three Times The Fail!

About a week ago, I found myself on small detour into Ichoriya after seeing the raging successes that Khalia and Captain Charismatic were having there. All I had on me was my rifter, and before I went and fitted up some scanning and salvaging ships, I thought I’d take a roam through the belts to get a feel for the locals.

With luck, on my first belt, I found a green young retriever pilot slowly topping off a giant secure container that, low and behold, wasn’t so secure. Pop goes the can, yoink goes the ore. I sat there feeling please with myself as he warped off to (I hoped) come back in a pew-ship.

As I waited around, I noticed another miner pop an jet can across the belt labeled “please don’t take me”. I grinned and started to have impure thoughts concerning the fate of this ore, when one of the miner’s corp-mates (2006 player) came through the belt in an assault frigate. No thanks; pass. I’ve gone up against AF’s before in a rifter with mixed results but I had the feeling that the guy with about 2 years experience on me in a better ship would probably come out on top of that one.

As I continued to wait for the retriever pilot to hopefully come back, the cheeky miner decided to rename his can “Please Take Me”. Punk. Out of sheer boredom, I allowed myself to be drawn into a local-discussion with them. Turns out, these guys are pet-corp (or a wannabe pet corp) of CVA, and to my complete amazement, the head honcho began to try and actively recruit me to the CVA front lines (just a quick fyi: TEARS is KOS to CVA ;)). What follows is our local-convo with running commentary by Velocity Prime and JordanParey as I relayed this fail into corp chat.

Aiden Mourn > yes dasidar, i see youre in the same corp
bukchoi > lol
bukchoi > i’m assuming anyone can flips isnt in it for the 200,00 isk ore

Aiden Mourn > im just trying to ruffle some feathers
Aiden Mourn > unless youre flipping in ABC wormhole space or something i guess

bukchoi > were you trying to take him down in a rifter
Aiden Mourn > “trying” implies a plan
dasidar > im here to do two things. protect the corp assests….and recruit you.

Are you serious?

Aiden Mourn > tempting offer there das
dasidar > how would you know you havent heard my offer yet.
Aiden Mourn > You’re welcome to put it out there, but im pretty sure im all set
Aiden Mourn > /emote points to his bio

Alexis Acantha > IMHO
Alexis Acantha > people that quote themselves in their bios tend to douches

Aiden Mourn > Alexis I have my moments
dasidar > oh I dont requier membership in ark we have a special place for folks likes of you.. its called the lucky strikes….help us fight the AAA in f-dt and we will supply you with an unlimited supply of thrashers with gear and ammo.

OMG Did you say FREE THRASHERS!? Sign me up! ( =/ )

Velocity Prime > hahaha what?
Aiden Mourn > and he’ll supply us with all the (and i quote) *THRASHERS* we need
Velocity Prime > I’m in!
Velocity Prime > Doesn’t he know we’re red to CVA?

Aiden Mourn > Das, thanks but no thanks?
dasidar > all you have to do is get you and your crew to f-dt …alive…and kill some AAA i can help you find them they are never far away.
Aiden Mourn > Yep, well theres where I have zero interest, sorry
Osmodeus > sounds like suicide
Aiden Mourn > =)
Aiden Mourn > My guys are ninja-salvagers/can flippers/high-sec shenanigans/griefers
Aiden Mourn > we dont do null-sec epeen politics

dasidar > im oging back to my spider hoke
dasidar > hole^

Lord Agger > being a pirate in concord spcontrolled space is much more demanding then playing hide and seek games in Nul-Space
dasidar > hide and seek no youll be doing much harder work attacking the gatecamps and takin the point as that the point of people with limitless ships.
Aiden Mourn > Wow das that sounds fun
Aiden Mourn > =|
Aiden Mourn > sounds like underpaid cannon fodder

dasidar > you get to play with carrier support thats kinda neat

I decide to see how many free thrashers I can get out of the deal =)

Aiden Mourn > Das, if you contract me up a bunch of thrashers right now, i’ll talk to my guys and see who’s interested
dasidar > oh they are handed out onsite….where you would have to spend more isk to escape with them than would be practical to do.

This guy is incredible.

Aiden Mourn > I see
Aiden Mourn > well, outlook not so good amigo

dasidar > f-dt we should have 15 on hand I stoped stocking them there cause well LFA doesnt show up to the party….why are you on the red list to cva?

Velocity Prime > “I’m in TEARS, motherfucker, that’s why!”
Velocity Prime > I was channeling Sam Jackson there
Aiden Mourn > i felt it

Aiden Mourn > Im on the red list to quite a few people I would imagine
dasidar > its allways a pain in the ass to work under that…meh. i di what I can….maybe I will find freelance fun for you in basergin…you can still find a carrier there once in a while.
Aiden Mourn > I pretty much make a career in eve of pissing off mission runners and stealing other peoples things
bukchoi > lol
bukchoi > a true ninja

dasidar > I gave it my one sentance….anyhow spiderhole time nice chatting.
Aiden Mourn > that was a lot more like 20 sentences
Aiden Mourn > but nice talking with you too

And heres where I get pissed:

bukchoi > ill be back, guard my can aiden

I don’t really like being told what to do like that, unless its from someone I respect. Needless to say, Das and the gang hadn’t exactly won me over. So, I scooted over to the can and popped one of my own. Then I wait until he was back on grid and almost on top of me before I scooped the ore into mine and blew up the can in front of him.

I warped off to a gate giggling like a school girl as dasidar jumps back into the belt in his AF and tries to target me. I’m literally laughing out loud as das follows me across 4 systems.

EVE System > Channel changed to Litiura Local Channel
dasidar > you do realize that this only changes the ship I kill you with.
Aiden Mourn > lol

Giggling and crying, I make my way back towards Dodixie and fire off a quick evemail:

From: Aiden Mourn
Sent: 2010.03.02 07:54
To: dasidar,

“dasidar > you do realize that this only changes the ship I kill you with.”

Is it a thrasher? I hear you guys have a surplus of those.


p.s. “bukchoi > ill be back, guard my can aiden” ….really?

No response, but now at least we’re dying in corp chat.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I’m wandering through Brapelille, next to Fricoure, when I notice some familiar faces in local. Its the Ark-Corp guys! I’m about to say hello when one of them says IN LOCAL “ok I see him, gimme one sec to fit”. Really guys? Sure enough, dasidar and two friends warp into the belt I’m in in a Cormie and 2 Thrashers.

Time to roll out the Epic Fail.

I may have learned this wrong, but it was my thought that the goal of a suicide gank was in fact to GANK someone. Successfully that is. And destroyers are AWESOME at ganking frigates (I was in a rifter). So there is NO WAY this little revenge scheme could have ever failed. Right?


With Concord response time as it is in .7 space, I was able to whore myself onto all three of these kills. These guys got my shields and about 1/4 of my armor. “B+” for effort I guess.

dasidar > So its safe to assume we will be doing that randomly until your dead.
dasidar > see you around were done today
Aiden Mourn > lol yeah no shit

So, it looks like I’ve made myself some new friends. Das went on to promise me they’d be looking for me in Dodixie as “practice for the new guys”, so I’ll be sure to post more fun from these guys as it comes my way.

Thanks again for reading, and to any new readers on Capsuleer, welcome!. Stop by the site on a real browser sometime and leave a comment.


~ by Aiden Mourn on March 5, 2010.

8 Responses to “Ark-Corp! Now With Three Times The Fail!”

  1. Be careful Aiden, they have *an infinite supply of thrashers* to try to shoot you with 😉

  2. Hmmmm… that was an epic offer… unlimited thrashers… did you check the small print though, I bet there was a catch… 😦

  3. Oh yeah, there is a ‘catch’, CVA is screwed and they need meat-shields.

  4. Your chat logs always crack me up! Jeeze, these guys are definitely packing the fail though.

  5. Damn Aiden, I am a bit envious. How do you manage to find guys like these all the time?

  6. How many pilots does CVA need to defend their space?
    Nobody knows, it’s never been done.

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