Grand Theft Navy Domi

Yesterday was International Talk Like A Pirate day, and although the debate on the subtle yet meaningful differences between “pirate” and “ninja” rages on, I decided to go with my inner “yarr” yesterday, which included catching and then commandeering a Navy vessel, which I think would’ve made Blackbeard proud.

Escalation is a motherfucker; just ask MediumD. This happy turn of events started yesterday afternoon while I was salvaging his cruddy drone mission that he was breezing through in his Navy Dominix. Shiny ship plus ‘integrated’ ogres got my spidey sense tingling, so I stuck around to pester my new friend. Sadly, no matter how obnoxious I was, no matter how many times I bumped him, stole his crap loot, or opened convos only to immediately close them, I never even got yellow-boxed. Frustrated, I spotted the only large wreck in a room full of smalls and decided to salvage that and go, as a sort of middle finger.

To my surprise though, another can dropped with a “Hive Mind CPU”, some sort of Drone AI thingy I’ve actually never seen before in it that I couldn’t find on contracts. Naturally, because it was new and looked shiny, and I’m easily taken by such things, I took it.

MediumD was just about done shooting rats when I decided to convo him and play dumb about the mission object I’d just lifted from his mission. Eventually, he warped out, only to return in a Catalyst. Establishing that, yes, I had his MO, and yes, I would sell it back to him for the agreed-upon small fortune of 750,000 isk, I started motoring around the room, dropping cans full of shitty drone loot. Amusingly, the D-man follow my cans around in aggravation as I salvaged his whole room, all the while claiming that I was “totally sure” I’d already put the MO in one of the cans.

MediumD > not in there
Aiden Mourn > you sure?
Aiden Mourn > hmm, maybe another 750k will help me find it?
MediumD > dont bs me
Aiden Mourn > it might just be an unsolvable mystery!
Aiden Mourn > the world may never know!
Aiden Mourn > the case of the missing mission objective thingy!

At this point, MD warped out. Hoping for some chance at real pew, I stuck around, only to be dismayed when he returned still in his catalyst. So for giggles, I locked him up and started bumping him. This however, seems to have put him over the edge and MediumD went from medium-ticked-off to full-blow-Ike Turner and opened fire on me.

Unleashing the full might of the Ruppy of Doom™ (salvage cruiser) that I happened to flying, MediumD’s cat was very quickly reduced to ashes. Wishing that I’d managed a slightly more impressive kill for the afternoon, I stayed put another minute salvaging his wreck and picking through his meager drops, when I absently checked dscan. My shock quickly turned to glee as I saw MediumD appear on dscan on his way back into the mission, this time in apparently the first big and mean looking ship he could lay hands on in his blind rage: his mission Navy Domi.

This was game over for MediumD, he just didn’t know it yet. I locked and pointed him, and started to whittle down his tank. Realizing after a few seconds that the damage I was taking at this close proximity was from a smartbomb, I gained range and settled into a nice Barrage ammo-fueled orbit.

Meanwhile, my not-so-secret alt swapped out at station for a RR/Neuting Prophecy and warped in for “moral support”. Miraculously enough, either by a sliver of know-how or just blind luck, MediumD turned off his smartbomb before I could land the alt in range for some sweet CONCORDOKKEN action, but this turned out to be a good thing. Not 4 seconds after I started getting reps from, Medium went red to the alt as well. Off went the reps, on went the 3 medium neuts, and out came the ecm drones.

As I started the ransom process, I quickly realized that Medium had nothing in the way of liquid cash in which to buy his way out of this situation, having spent all of it on his shiny ship and ridiculously overpriced storyline drones. Going for broke, I offered that in place of the ransom, I would take his ship, and return the modules to him after. I’ll save you the endless chatlogs of my brilliant social engineering, plus I’m too lazy to find them right now anyways, but essentially, this is exactly how the situation went down:

Aiden > give me your ship. I’ll give you back the mods.
MediumD > I dont know if I can trust you
Aiden > you can trust me
MediumD > but how do I KNOW I can trust you?
Aiden > you can REALLY trust me
MediumD > ok
*ejects, warps*

Boarding my shiny new Navy Domi, I docked up, giggling all the way. Sadly, aside from a drone bay full of ‘integrated’ ogres, the fittings were absolute garbage, but I’ll grant that its not everyday that a free Navy Domi lands in your lap, even in this profession. MediumD continues to pepper me with convos about getting his crap fittings back until I think he finally got that he’d been utterly hosed and called it a night.

This game never ceases to amuse me.

o7,

-Aiden

P.s. fraps were taken of the event, and will be forthcoming as soon as I figure out how to edit them and boil them down into a less than 4gig file size.

~ by Aiden Mourn on September 20, 2011.