Eve Is Hilarious Pt. 711934220

Welcome to another fun and exciting edition of Eve Is Hilarious here on Finders and Keepers. Being as I spend more time than I ought to indulging in Eve-related crap, even when I’m not logged in and actively playing, I find myself stumbling upon amazing examples of comedy and error. Whether it be awesomely bad fittings on kill-mails, player stupidity, an amazing scam, or even astoundingly terrible Eve-cannon based fan-romance-fiction (trust me, its out there), these all back up one very solid truth: Eve is hilarious.

Today’s example had me choking coffee out my nose all morning. A tad long clocking in at 8minutes or so, but worth watching till the end. If this was intended as a troll, then well done, but there’s something disturbingly genuine about this poor bastard that screams “real, oh so real” to me. Maybe its those bovine eyes…

While you’re watching, lets go through the checklist of awesome here:

  • greasy, sweaty unkempt gamer appearance: check.
  • gigantic herpes outbreak on upper lip: check
  • mug of homemade ice-coffee made with 2 parts heavy cream, 2 parts vanilla coffee-mate, 1/2 part coffee: check.
  • history of fail, segueing into imminent fail: “today I lost a Dominix to a mission […] so I went out and bought a Navy Dominix”. Check and check.
  • Pause to pick at facial herpes.
  • addled confusion at basic game mechanics and apparently zero awareness of locator agents: “I came across a war target, which was a little suspicious since I haven’t seen a war target in 0.9 space” What? : check.
  • added creamy fail-filling: flying a Navy issue mission ship while at war: “you know, I didn’t realize I was being attacked cause I was listening to music and not really paying attention really”: check.
  • wild and crazy conspiracy theory that the game and its GMs are out to get him: Got killed in a pricey ship? Must be a GM: check.
  • Further fail: “he either found me with an alt account, or he’s a GM”. Obviously. Check.
  • Pause to pick at facial herpes.
  • WTB “Nosforutoes”.
  • Pause to pick again at herpes. Make lame excuse.
  • 7:40 – end. More area 51 conspiracy theories of GM retribution for bad-posting on Eve-O forums. Priceless, and check.

Here’s what really nails this home for me: as people who make our living making fun of and killing mission bears, we have this hilarious and exaggerated idea of how the typical mission bear acts and thinks in the real world. This parodied image is somewhere between Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons and Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air, yet at its core, we know this is just a fun caricature we have and propagate in our heads. But this guy is the living example of every single “stupid mission bear” joke and stereotype we’ve ever made, and its all on tape. This is the face I’m going to think of literally every time I gank a mission runner from here on out, and I love it.

Again, if this is a troll, consider me played, but theres just something so damn genuine about those sad little cow-ish bear eyes…

o7,

-Aiden

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~ by Aiden Mourn on October 28, 2011.

9 Responses to “Eve Is Hilarious Pt. 711934220”

  1. I love this guy. I want more like him.

  2. Now I’m gonna be sayin “Nosforutoes”… can’t get it outa my head!

  3. Thanks for the warning about stuff coming out of your nose, I was prepared. LOL. Totally agree, if this is a Troll then well done, but otherwise this guy id my mind’s poster child image from now until infinity!

  4. Wow. Y’know, a lot of things are now clear to me… I’m remembering a lot of conversations from the past in a NEW light now. It is amazing the lack of basic game knowledge this person exhibits. lol. I mean, c’mon… blogs, forums, channels, how does this happen?

  5. He is a chowder head. He’s wearing a Bruins shirt. It’s likely creme of clam juice in that mug that this beast slurps. He is one of those arrogant fucks. That much is obvious. He is probably soooo book smart that he has no common sense, That much is obvious, too.

    This is the kind of douche nozzle that whacks to Japanese anime and is probably BFF with Eve Daniel. You know who that is- don’t you? roflmao

    Who is he speaking to? Who in their right mind would want to listen to this fuck? Who is friends with this peter puffer?
    These are the kinds of human shit that make me rage. Stinking sweaty wildebeest.

  6. I’ve been shaving. Yeah, guys, i shave. Look at my stubble. LOOK AT IT!

  7. MY CAPACITOR WAS DRAINED!
    I COULDN’T WARP AWAY!

    My god what I would give to be in this guy’s corp.

  8. I can’t stop watching his videos. It’s… it’s… *covers eyes*

    “A lot of people wonder about me – about how I’m able to own at *all* the games… You can’t make someone who’s bad, be good. It’s a genetic thing. It’s like being Neo: you’re just born with it. I’m the Neo of the internet. There can only be one.”

    I think I may be permanently scarred from watching that.

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