How To Kill Mission Runners

First off, this is a slightly misleading title. I’m not actually going to show you a step-by-step process to blowing up mission bears because there are already 80 bazillion guides out there on this artful and noble profession, so this is not another guide in that sense. Instead though, this is an attempt to dispel some myths and erase any trepidation the budding ninja may have about getting out there and pewing some mission runners.

Having killed a couple hundred mission bears over the course of my career, I’ve come to trust and believe in a few simple mantras. These are the dirty little secrets of ganking mission runnners that go along with the obvious (yet minimal) skill and experience requirements, and hopefully, they’ll enable you to get out there and make someone cry. Lets begin.

1.) There is no “I Win” button.

Regardless of the fact that it’s a one-sided, unfair, and surprise-mugging type of “PvP” (if you can even call it that), when you decide to shoot back at a shooty bear, you have entered into a combat situation, and anything can happen. You can, and you will lose ships; you will fuck up, you will load the wrong damage type, you will lose point range, you will forget to check d-scan, and you will not notice that Curse pilot that has corp aggro on you until he’s already got you pointed and totally neuted out. Welcome to Eve Online, these things happen. Don’t be afraid to lose ships or face; this is a game, and if losing pixel possessions is keeping you up at night, perhaps you’re playing the wrong hobby.

2.) You do not need a faction fitted Tengu to kill a mission runner.

I have my suspicions that my friend Paul is starting to get tired of validating yet another persons “hey I think I figured out the JerkTengu fit!” query (amirite? :P) .  By all means, fly one if it makes you happy, but a billion isk ship is above and beyond what is remotely necessary to kill 90% of mission runners out there, and I know Paul will agree with me. Dirty little secret: the bare necessities are a point, a neut, and at least 250 DPS in the majority of cases; add speed, armor, or shield tank to taste. As has been said countless times before by countless player in this game: do not fly what you can’t afford to lose, because someday, you will.

3.) You do not need 40 million skillpoints to kill someone in Eve Online.

This may sound silly, but there are a surprising number of people who desperately want to start ganking mission runners, but feel they can’t without that Elite certificate for Battlecruiser Turrets. I’m ashamed to say, I had these exact trepidations when learning the ropes; fear of failure and uncertainty in your own skills however is something you need to get rid of. Here’s another dirty little secret: most mission bears can be killed by a 6 week old character. Again, a faction pimped T3 or Pirate Battleship is fun to fly, but totally unnecessary. Skillpoints don’t kill people, pilots do.

4.) “Neuts are the straw that stir the mission runner ganking party”

Truer words were never spoken (relatively speaking), and this quote from my friend Solomar should be at front of every ninjas mind as they fit up their ganking ship. True fact: mission ships are mostly active tanked, and barely hovering above cap stable. When you add a medium energy neutralizer to the equation, that stability starts to nose dive. It may take a moment or two, but with even 1 neut on a bear, you’ll soon begin to see even a modest 250 DPS start to dig deep as hardeners, reppers, and boosters start to simply turn off for lack of cap.

Dirty little secret #3: with their tank literally turned off, you could throw spitballs at somebody and eventually kill their ship. If the bear isn’t active tanked, then its just down to a matter of time to chew through their buffer. I might add that in lieu of a neut, massive alpha or giant DPS will of course do the trick, but shutting someones tank off does three quarters of the work for you.

5.) Leave emotion at the door.

Seriously. Eve is  a game, and if you’re taking things too seriously and not having fun, you are doing something wrong and should probably go take a break. When you get frustrated, you make stupid mistakes, and when you get emotional, you make even bigger ones. If you must smack-talk someone, learn to be witty, and realize that e-peen waving in Eve is for angsty, socially inept 14 year olds having pissing contests in null-sec; you’re better than that, don’t be a tool. Getting rage-y and caught up in thoughts of revenge or payback is for mission bears, not ninjas. If you lose a ship, or lose a kill, you very well may get pissed and thats ok, but go take a walk or read a book.

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Know no fear young shinobi, be bold Get out there, get scanning, and get ganking. And when you DO pew someones pixel spaceship into little bits of pixel space-dust, tell me, because I’d love to hear about it. Let me know here on the blog, evemail me in-game, or give me a shout on twitter (@AidenMourn). Now go have some fun.

o7,

-Aiden

~ by Aiden Mourn on December 9, 2011.