Shit of the Week: Swiss-Army Hurricane

Like many of you, I read Ripard Teg’s blog Jester’s Trek fairly regularly; quite honestly, with the sheer amount of content that guy puts out, its actually hard NOT to read his blog. Yet for all the good-natured flak he gets for his “robo-blogger” tendencies, his blog is always on point, always interesting to read, and always entertaining, no matter if you agree with his sometimes strong-leaning opinions or not.

One reoccurring spot on his blog that I’ve always been a fan of is his weekly “Fit of the Week” post; I’m big on theory-crafting and fit-tweaking, and those posts are always right on the money for me. I’ve always wanted to do a similar “weekly” or regularly reoccurring post myself on this blog, yet aside from the semi-regular “Eve is Hilarious” posts (remind me to do more of those), none have really come to fruition. Also, as I’ve mentioned before, we take things slightly less than serious around here most of the time and I tend to inject more than a little more humor and sarcasm into my posts here than what would be remotely acceptable to any respectable blog.

Thankfully, this is not a very respectable blog.

As an homage to the Robo-Blogger and his weekly columns that I so enjoy, I’ve decided to try out something a little new and a little fun around here: “The Shit of the Week”.

I’ll be taking utter shitfits scrounged-up from the worst killmails in New Eden, and rather than critiquing how obviously terrible they are, I’ll be writing from the perspective of the ship-abusing pilots who created these Frankensteins. In the style of Ripard’s FOTWs, I’ll be detailing the “logic” and situational (un)awareness that went in to creating that triple-tanked Ferox, or that speed-tanking laser Mammoth. So sit back and enjoy our inaugural SOTW: The Swiss-Army Hurricane.

This weeks SOTW comes to us courtesy of Ram172 Indigo: http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=17627839

You’re about to head out for a solo roam through low-sec; your eyes move over your ship hanger, passing over your beloved armor Caracal, stopping for a moment with a knowing smile on the small-rail fitted shield Megathron in the corner, but ultimately resting on what you know to be the perfect tool for the job. Actually, its the perfect tool for every job:

[Hurricane, Jack of All Trades]

Damage Control I
Beta Hull Mod Nanofiber Structure
Warp Core Stabilizer I
Small Automated Carapace Restoration
-empty-

Explosive Deflection Amplifier I
Limited Kinetic Deflection Field I
10mn Afterburner I
Republic Fleet Medium Shield Extender

200mm Vulcan AutoCannon I, Arch Angel EMP M
Civilian Gatling AutoCannon, Phased Plasma S
Experimental SV-2000 Rapid Light Missile Launcher, Mjolnir Light Missile
Medium Remote Armor Repair System I
‘Limos’ Rocket Launcher I, no charge
250mm Light Carbine Howitzer I, no charge
Upgraded ‘Malkuth” Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I, no charge
-empty-

Infiltrator I x2

Damn, are you set for anything. With the mixed weapon type, size, and ranges, as well as dual tanking abilities, you’ll be ready to go for any engagement! While every other sucker is flying a “specialized” ship, you’ll be the flying definition of “versatile”. You’ve had the wherewithal to actually think ahead, and this makes you the Shaolin monk of Battlecruisers, on a hair-trigger alert for any and every situation Eve could possibly throw at you.

First of all, your mixed weapons give you a HUGE advantage over a more narrow-minded opponent; with the mixture of autocannons, artillery, and varied missiles, you’ll be everywhere and nowhere in a fight at once, hitting them for every possible damage type all at the same time, because who expects to tank for everything? Furthermore, no need to worry about warp-ins or dictating range, because whatever the range, you’re going to hit them for some kind of damage, guaranteed!

Additionally, though appearing to be shield tanking, you’ll be ready to watch your enemy’s will crumble before you when they realize you had a secret active small armor tank! Its your ace in the hole, and they’ll never see it coming. When fitting your Persian Horse of a shield tank, be sure to spring for the 15 million isk faction shield extender; the extra 1500 shield HPs will be well worth the money.

To top it off, be sure to fit at least one remote repair device in your highslots, because you never know when you might come across a defenseless mining barge under attack by pirates; you have a split second to make a choice: without your help, the miner doesn’t stand a chance. This, is the butterfly effect, and if you want any chance of that miner’s corporation, who’re part of an alliance, who’re part of  larger coalition to invite you to that righteously cool Capital fleet afterwards, you better be prepared to help!

For further versatility, be sure to pack a civilian miner, ice harvester upgrade, and a fabulously expensive Gas Cloud Harvesting skillbook in your cargohold; after all, you never know when you might come across a frozen-gas-teroid to mine/harvest.

This is my mission-running/mining/pvp/exploration/hauling Hurricane. There are many probably none like it, but this one is mine.

All Shits of the Week are intended as general guidelines only.  You may not have the skills needed for this exact fit.  If you do not, feel free to randomly adjust the fit, as well as add and subtract random mods at will to suit to meet your skills and/or whims, including using meta 3 guns and “best named” defenses and e-war.  Ships can also be adjusted to use faction or dead-space modules because the more expensive a mod is in Eve, the better it is.  Each SOTW is intended as a general guide to introduce you to terrible concepts that will probably not help you fit or fly that particular, or any, type of ship even slightly well or as any remote threat to anyone but yourself.

 

-Aiden

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~ by Aiden Mourn on October 8, 2012.

8 Responses to “Shit of the Week: Swiss-Army Hurricane”

  1. http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=17191282

  2. LOL. Wishing I had thought of this. 😦

  3. omg i can’t stop laughing. cause i just had to educate my friend on why not to duel tank. he is a newb and was like WTF why not do both at the same time. reading this is what hope he never becomes.

    • Ouch! Yeah, I think many many newbs fall into the multiple weapon types/tanks trap. Hey, the school of hard knocks, still the best school around!

  4. http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=17191282 is equally priceless, especially the drone bay

  5. […] decided to take the wonderful “Shit of the Week” post from Aiden, and have a little bit of fun. I spent a few million (ok, near 16) and fit […]

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