Eve Is Hilarious Pt. 845381005

I think P.T. Barnum put it best…

Click to make biggie-sized

Apparently, Ebay is where the pros go for that cutting edge in Eve. For a paltry nine-are-you-fucking-kidding-me-HUNDRED US Dollars (but hey shipping is free!), this particular Eve-baller from Scranton, North Dakota will shower you with nothing less than stone tablets from Mt Sinai. From the auction description:

I’ve been playing EVE Online for 4 years now and I’ve done almost everything and now I want to pass what I’ve learned on to YOU. If you’re familiar with EVE, then you know that nothing is free.

What I’m offering is access to my collection of Highly detailed and customizable production spreadsheets on Google Drive. They automatically parse the EVE API server for current Jita prices on EVERYTHING related to production and more. These sheets have been used to calculate production for vast 0.0 industrial juggernauts including Titan production time and material requirements.

Also included will be a document that will reveal how you can have your very own Eve Online character with over 75 million skill points and 6.5 billion ISK AND a corporation to start building your own empire from the ground up.

Feel free to e-mail me with any questions.

Sir, I have many, many questions. Besides the obligatory “really?”, I’m also curious why you would be shipping these alleged google docs to anyone, with a delivery date spread over 4 days. I know its called “Drive” now, and yes, that’s confusing for all of us, but I wager it would be worth it for a high-rolling Eve Online Ebay tycoon like yourself to invest a little time into learning about such breakthroughs as the “share” button.

For those moronic individuals interested in getting themselves perma-banned by buying dumb shit on Ebay, you can get your very own fully-fitted Avatar, complete with 150mil SP toon for US $5,000, or an Aeon for the low low price of $600! As a hilarious anecdote, the Aeon seller’s feedback includes “Thank you for the good business….. Please come back anytime> Recommended AAA++” from ebay user “russiangoldmine”; people are amazing.


~ by Aiden Mourn on October 25, 2012.

9 Responses to “Eve Is Hilarious Pt. 845381005”

  1. Frankly, if I could get even 500 USD for all my wealth (50b) and characters (86, 80, 45, 42, 21), I would sell them instantly.

    • Thank you for that wholly depressing add-on. In related news, somewhere, an adorable puppy died today.

    • If you don’t know what to do with your isk, send some to “Halt Tranty” a space poor pilot with 90mil isk and capital ship dreams. Do a good action and help fund my pair of capital skillbooks. 🙂

  2. I rmt’d my Rag for a new computer. Then they got nerfed next month, I lol’d. It’s really not a huge deal, and if you have that much isk/assets, and don’t do it often, there’s no real reason NOT to do it.

  3. This has been going on for years. EVE character + pencil, only $250. CCP turns a blind eye to it because they keep a subscriber. Nothing to see here, I’m afraid, move along.

  4. He is not doing anything illegal though. He is just selling the aps and info he made for playing EVE. Not his character or in game items.

    He is pretty much taking ISK the guide and raising its price like 1000%s of its cost then selling it on ebay.

  5. I am wondering why you were looking for EVE related stuff on ebay in the first place!

  6. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it, old friend. 🙂

    And $500 is peanuts. If you quit, cash out. It’s fits the Ninja way, anyhow. Lol

  7. /Sadface…

    Yes, kids, people –many, if not most of them, even– really are that stupid.

    I don’t want to live on this planet anymore 😦

    Oh, and to the bragging coolio-pimpin’RMT’er in this thread: You can go fistfuck yourself and die. Find another game to ruin, you worthless parasite!

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