Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Despite what you may have heard about lavish parties, glamorous women, and drug-fueled cross-universe hell-rides, running a Corporation (and an Alliance for that matter) in Eve, is not all fun and games (except for that bit about girls, drugs, and parties; that’s actually all totally legit). It takes a lot of help; help in the form of lackies…er…Directors, without whom I would have retreated into a windowless tower state of knee-rocking and muttering worthy of Howard Hughes a long time ago.

Suddenly Ninjas has been run in the typical corporation model of Eve for as long as its been around. There’s the head-honcho CEO (me), who runs things with an iron fist of terror (terror, I tell you!), who is aided in his, albeit questionable, endeavors by a group of Directors, each of whom has a certain role: i.e. “Director of Salvage Operations” or “Director of Recruitment”.

However, realizing that Suddenly Ninjas is anything but a “typical corp”, I’ve changed things up a bit. I decided that we needed a little fluidity in the way things are run here at SN, to which end I present to you our new directorate, The Jōnin.

The Jōnin (“Elite Ninjas”; wiki that shit) will act as a unilateral body of directors, all of whom along with myself will share responsibility in all things corp-related: ops, strategies (“lets see what happens” is a strategy, right?), recruitment, diplomacy (or our distinct lack-there-of), etc. These are all guys I’ve flown with for a while now, who I can trust (as far as you can trust a ninja), and can categorically label as “non-douchebags”. They are my Lonely Hearts Club Band, my Detroit Wheels, my Heartbreakers …you get the idea.

So, you might be wondering, who are these shadowy figures that secretly help me drive this tear-train we like to call Suddenly Ninjas? Well let me to introduce to you…



Scopique:

I think of Scop as my right-hand man; the guy that keeps me out of trouble. Remember that guy in college who kept trying to impress upon you the stupidity of that drunken roof-to-pool swan dive you really wanted to attempt? That guy grew up to be Scopique, Germanic master ninja. Scopique is the originator of the now famous BattleVigil fit and has used it to take down virtually every ship in the game allowed in high-sec. He is also the writer behind Scop’s Log, a hilarious ninja blog full of crazy antics I can only dream about getting into. Remote-repping Orca-aggro? A can-mining CNR? Out of game, Scop is a mensa-certified genius, and uses his huge brain to invent things like blu-ray and the ipod, which he then sells to the highest bidder. True story.



Galmarr:

Galmarr has been in SN for quite a while and is a recent appointee to a Directors role. He is also an all-around, complete bad-ass. Galmarr has some totally hard-core job in RL like bare-knuckle tiger-boxer or ice-road napalm-trucker, builds dog houses in his spare time using his man-parts as a hammer and drill, has been known to literally chew nails while killing mission runners, and sounds like Mickey Rourke and a pack of Marlborough reds on voice coms. Galmarr doesn’t have a blog because “that shit is for nerd-bitches”, but if he did, there’s a good chance it would kick you in the nads just for reading it.



Zavulon Sukkot:

Zav is like a ninja-robot from the future sent back through time to route out and destroy all that is carebearish in this universe. His level of laser-guided dedication to what he does and his mind-boggling encyclopedic knowledge of even the most arcane game mechanics of Eve is quite honestly, frightening. In real life, Zavulon is a NOC-list ghost operative working for five separate governments. Zav also doesn’t have a blog, simply because he acknowledges that the majority of the rest of us aren’t able to read ex-Soviet binary-decryption code in a comfortable manner. He is however, working on a heavily self-referenced one that will be readily enjoyable to anyone with access to a WWII-era Japanese codex in the near future.



Solomar Espersei:

Solo, like Galmarr, is one of our newest appointees to the Directorate, and is also our very own Harrison Ford. Just look at that mug; your wife would leave you for this man, and no one (including yourself) would or could really begrudge her that. A typical night of Eve for Solo involves low light, a smoking jacket, a single-malt minimum 25 yr on the rocks, ignoring phone calls from a quite frankly desperate sounding Penelope Cruz, and ravaging Caldari space of all things carebear. Solo is also the author of Ninja Extravaganza, one of the best “how-to” ninja eve-blogs I’ve ever seen, and if you don’t read it, he’ll make sure that when he does sleep with your girlfriend, its personal.



Jordan Parey:

Despite using more penis-references and anal sex innuendos on voice coms than one would generally expect to hear in a guy-on-guy porn flick, JP is also a total lady-killer in RL. Have you ever wondered who’s job it is to screen groupies to make sure they’re “good enough” for Mick Jagger or that asshole from Creed?  Exactly. JP spends his time in Eve using a Marauder to ninja quite literally everything from people’s missions (loot, salvage, bounties, mission-objects, the works), while simultaneously cleaning the multiple gigantic Dirty Harry-esque handguns he keeps in various holsters on his person. JP would like to eventually have a blog someday, but quite honestly can’t see why he’d take time out of his busy day-job to bother.



With dedicated talent blind faith willful accomplices like these, I can honestly say that running this show is a whole lot more fun. Cheers gentlemen.



o7,
-Aiden

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~ by Aiden Mourn on September 6, 2010.

6 Responses to “Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band”

  1. Every word is true. Ninja’s Honor

  2. What a gang!! 🙂 Carry on, carrying on. You guys add so much color to lil old New Eden.

  3. All hail the leadership! Can we go to the Promised Land, now? You said we could! \o/

  4. To be precise, Scop invented the Laser Battlevigil fit, while the Autocannon Battlevigil fit was made by myself :p

    Also there’s still a spelling error in the previous post’s title I believe.
    It’s Asshattery.

    Still, nice blog post ^^

  5. Funny post, sir. Well done.

    P.S. Good thing Arden cleared that up for us.

    😉

  6. 11010001101111111011101000001110100111001011101011100101

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