Flotsam and Jetsam of Space

I finally decided to poke around the new EveOnline.com site today, and after being duly wowed with the spiffy new layout and the glorious ship spinning (without even logging in! Its science!), I even decided to take the Eve personality quiz.

*SPOILER ALERT* To my complete lack of surprise, I somehow got “Salvager” from my virtual Eve Online guidance counselor; good to know I’m on the right path. But after reading my new eve-harmony profile, I frowned. The new website is fantastic, and CCP has clearly gone above and beyond to make sure you’re floored when checking it out. However, I’ve got a bone to pick with whoever was in charge or writing up these new personality dossiers because of one, major flaw: they’ve made “Salvagers” sound like the biggest passive-aggressive pussies in Eve.

Snnooooooozzze; this guy sounds about 1 damsel in distress away from afking level 4’s in a Dominix while editing Skyrim mods. “I sell my finds on the market or use them to build rigs“? If Tom Hanks says there’s no crying in baseball, then Aiden Mourn says there’s certainly no furry industrial building of things in Salvaging. Dear sir/madame, please take your fuzzy tinkering, industrial/mining skills, and jar of honey, and kindly GTFO. Love, Aiden.

This “Salvager” sounds like a chump, and if I was new to Eve and had just taken this test, I’d almost be offended with the results. This, my friends, needs some attending to; luckily for CCP, I brought my spiffy red editing pen. Lets try this again:


Much, MUCH better! From zero to hero in a few easy editing steps; now this guy sounds like someone you’d actually want to hang out with. Whereas before you wanted to wedgie this guy for his lunch money, now he sounds like one smooth criminal who you know you’re going to get into some fun shenanigans with while hanging out. I want to be this guys friend, and I certainly want to join his corp, whereas I want to wardec that other wuss’s corp in obscurity.

CCP, I’m always available, just let me know 😉 and besides this, the new site looks fantastic.



~ by Aiden Mourn on February 11, 2012.

5 Responses to “Flotsam and Jetsam of Space”

  1. Economic, Scientific, Solo and Bad Person

  2. Yep, I prefer your version of salvaging much more.

  3. you’re featured on CCP’s Facebook.

    GZ o/

    Perfect review of how EVE actually is. compared to the oriiginal.

    CCP have done an amazing result on EVE In and out of Game end of last year to the present.

  4. Aiden, I wanna plow you so gross.

  5. I second this ^

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