Shit of the Week: Style is Everything Oracle

Our newest SOTW comes signed, sealed, delivered, and wrapped in a bow, courtesy of Rixx Javix (http://tuskers.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=15313240). Thanks bud!

 

Life is full of goals, expectations, and milestones, and Eve Online is really no different. In a virtual world of manifest destiny incarnate, quite literally written in the stars, the challenges you meet, and the pinnacles you scale are your triumphs to shout out-loud to the universe.

For some, this is an impressive killboard, others an even more impressive wallet, but for most newer players, the first goal is easy: get into best ship you can, as fast as possible.

But pilot be warned! There will be those that discourage you! Naysayers, downers, and bitter old vets will sneer at you as you make your full-tilt rush to your dream ship, unencumbered or burdened by silly peripheral skills; pay them no heed. They’ll say ridiculous lofty things like “just because you can fly a ship, doesn’t mean you should!”. Seriously, ignore them. The important thing is, get in that ship as quickly as possible, and you can stand proud and know that you made it; milestone reached, achievement unlocked.

Now, when choosing your goal ship, there’s really only one thing to shoot for: pure, unbridled, panache. A lot of players or corps will tell you your goal should be a standard hitter, like a Drake or maybe a Thorax cruiser, or alternately something more useful like a mining barge; they’re wrong. A Drake? Drakes look like pieces of building material, and a Thoraxs look like flying penises. And a mining barge? Please; only pussies get caught flying those tubs.

No, your goal ship should say “I’m a boss”, and inspire awe, fear, and maybe even boners in all those who see you flying it. It should be the best of the best and look like it flew off the cover of GQ magazine:

[Oracle, Style is Everything]

-empty-
-empty-
-empty-
-empty-
-empty-
-empty-

10mn Microwarpdrive I
Fleeting Warp Disruptor I
-empty-

Medium Anode Particle Stream I, no charge
Medium Anode Particle Stream I, no charge
Medium Anode Particle Stream I, no charge
Medium Anode Particle Stream I, no charge
Medium Anode Particle Stream I, no charge
Medium Anode Particle Stream I, no charge
-empty-
-empty-

 
Again, looks are everything, and first impressions say a lot. Undocking in one of these is like passing your AMEX black card to the waitress; it says “I’m important, and I like making sure you know it in fabulously unsubtle ways”. Lets take a look at this fit.

First of all, everyone knows the Oracle is an armor tanking ship, hence the 6 low slots. But why on earth would you burden it down with huge metal plates and nano membranes? A Gran Turismo has a pretty nice back-seat too, but you don’t see people loading it up with cinderblocks do you?

Also, although bonused for large guns, those things stick out like ears on a cartoon mouse. Smaller guns on the other hand say you mean business, yet you’re still talking style. Hand-held and sophisticated, the elegance and old-world nod of six gleaming pistols will not go unnoticed by your fellow capsuleers. Be extra sure to not keep them loaded though! Have you SEEN the available color schemes of those crystals? Tacky, spelled “Jersey Shore”.

To finish out the build, in the mids you’ll want a nice 10mn MWD for cruising for hunnies, and although those guns aren’t loaded, you won’t want to forget to fit a disruptor, just so you can reach out to any you may find and say “Hey…check me out a sec”.

As for rigs? Rigs are like pick-up lines; there’s a time and a place, and that time is never. You can figure out the place on your own.

All Shits of the Week are intended as general guidelines only.  You may not have the skills needed for this exact fit.  If you do not, feel free to randomly adjust the fit, as well as add and subtract random mods at will to suit to meet your skills and/or whims, including using meta 3 guns and “best named” defenses and e-war.  Ships can also be adjusted to use faction or dead-space modules because the more expensive a mod is in Eve, the better it is.  Each SOTW is intended as a general guide to introduce you to terrible concepts that will probably not help you fit or fly that particular, or any, type of ship even slightly well or as any remote threat to anyone but yourself.

-Aiden

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~ by Aiden Mourn on November 29, 2012.

3 Responses to “Shit of the Week: Style is Everything Oracle”

  1. The disclaimer is much funnier than usual. I LOLd. Well done m8

  2. I look forward to proving this SOTW out via a nice romp around low sec; hopefully this weekend.

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